Running out of steam...

Last week I made a lot of progress... this week I've been running out of steam. This is in part because of my potential job. I mentioned in the last post on 'progress' that I'd gotten a job. It's not a job I particularly want, but it would give me financial stability as I start up my practice. I originally wanted to work 3 days/week, but they pushed for four. This would only leave one weekday (probably a Monday) for my practice, and maybe a weekend day.

I'm still in negotiations over salary, but I've found that my spirit is already somewhat broken, at least temporarily. I'm afraid I won't have the time or energy to really focus on my practice the way I'd like, and there's something about being forced to sell your time for money that just squashes the soul. In that mindset, it's hard to put a lot of energy towards something that feels like it's going to get pushed aside.

This job would entail some travel, and while they agreed that I could request to not travel on the day I have free for my practice, there's always a chance when they will "make" me go if it's an emergency; or, I might have to be in Nebraska on a Tuesday morning, and need to travel Monday night. This would seriously mess with my practice schedule if I have sessions on a Monday evening.

What to do? I think I still have to take the job, but I'm nervous. Maybe I should consider just doing my practice on a Saturday. I wish I knew if there was much demand for therapy on a day like that. Does anyone know? Where would I find out?

Also, my supervisor - the one I was really happy about finding - fell through. I have some more options, but I haven't had the energy to contact them - I need to find out what my work situation will be first.

So, that is all. Oh, and my business license came in the mail. I taped it to my office wall, and I also went to the thrift store and bought an in-out box. So that's progress, right?


At times like this, I wish I were independently wealthy. I recently saw, randomly, on Facebook, that the mom of an old class-mate had gone into private practice late in her life (all the kids in their 20s and 30s). She can rely on her husband's work and just take it up as 'lightly' as it were.

Not that I'm suffering - I'm very lucky overall. But I have to make sure my family has insurance and enough money first, and in this country that involves working in a salaried position. (remind me to make a tangential rant about insurance in this country, even though it's been made a million times; in brief: This country's healthcare system is fucked up!) My point is that it would just make things a lot easier if I could focus on my new business 100%.

I'm hoping once the job is worked out, or not, I'll feel more able to really focus on the business again - hopefully in couple of days.

Barriers and resistances

Having just written a bit about anxieties, I thought I'd get a little more specific. True, there is a general fear of the unknown that makes it difficult to move forward with changes. But when I think about it, I can break the fears down into more specific categories. I think it is good to be aware of what barriers we face before we begin.

Here are five that I've recognized - some are practical concerns, some cut to the core of how I view myself:

• Confidence in myself as a clinician ("Am I really ready to do this?" / "Who do I think I am?")
• Confidence in myself as a businessperson ("Where do I start?" / "What if I fail?")
• Finances ("Can I afford to invest in a business at this time?" Of course, on the flip-side, we have: "Can I afford to continue to have no job and no income?")
• Indecision about making key choices (such as: fees; locations; focus; etc.)
• Licensure issues (It's complicated; I'll expand on this later)

I'll probably go into these in more detail as I move forward.