Okay, back on track

The last two weeks have been tumultuous. I accepted a job in a field that is not directly related to mental health: I hadn't had any luck with social service agencies in the area, and it was time to start getting some paychecks. The job is a research position in the field of education; I'm still kind of bummed about this step, as it feels like I'm moving away from what I want, not towards it. This is more symbolic than real - I know I can always leave after six, twelve, or 15 months when something more relevant comes along - but can symbols still have a strong hold on our ideas about ourselves.

But I've come to some acceptance about this step. Now I need to make some progress on my practice: The whole point of taking this job (besides not becoming homeless) is to have the financial stability to move ahead with my licensure and with my private practice.

My current goal is this: By the end of the year I will have saved a decent amount of money; I will have 4-6 regular clients (I'd be happy with 4) on one day a week (and maybe an added evening); I will have made a number of mistakes and corrected for them, thus learning what I need to learn about what works and what doesn't, and honing my business into a well-functioning practice. Then I'll only be 4 months or so away from getting my license. I'm hoping that, around 2013, a promising part-time agency position will open up somewhere. I like the idea of working at a mental health center for 2-3 days a week and doing my private practice 2-3 days a week.

My plan of 'opening shop' by February 1 is looking like it needs scaling back. I still need a supervisor signed on, then I need to file the forms with the Dept. of Health. I need to write my blurbs, website, etc.

But as long as I take it one 'action step' at a time I think I can move forward. Stay tuned!

Progress and Procrastinations

I'm happy to report that I've made some important progress in the last week. I've also had a few steps I've been procrastinating on.

Progress:

• Made some progress with my website design (using WordPress templates for now - pretty easy, but I don't love any of the designs), and had a couple of friends look it over
• Registered new business (sole proprietership - why? I'll try to write about that a bit later), and received UBI (but not the license, yet), which is the business ID I need to set up a business account at my credit union
• Almost opened my business account - I went in and got all the info, but, since I want my wife to be a partner in the sole proprietorship, and since she's on the license, it turned out I couldn't open the account without her present. But that should take 5 minutes - hoping to do that before Friday.
• (Side note: The main reason I want a separate business account is so I can put all my expenses on one card, which will make bookkeeping a lot easier I hope.)
• I confirmed (per my most recent post) from the WA DOH that I CAN have a supervisor who is NOT an LICSW - more on that later.
• Which brings me to: I think I found a great supervisor! It was based on a professional recommendation. We're not officially signed on yet - she's still checking on availability and details, but her background, focus, theoretical orientation, are great matches. Once we meet and make sure we're a good fit, I'll be really relieved because I was not looking forward to shopping around
• (Side note 2: I already emailed several people, but they are on hold for in case my current favorite falls through; for the record, this seems to be a good place to find supervisors in Washington State).
• I emailed several people about office space; one person required a 2-day/wk commitment, including a Saturday; another one caters to new practices, lets you rent by the hour, has family and play facilities, and is in a decent, although not great, location. I'm hoping to visit their site next week.
•   (Side note 3: I used the Counseling Seattle Office Space Page)
• Oh, yeah, and I got a part-time job! I'll discuss that later, but I'm generally very happy about this development. It will put me and my family on a solid financial base, and I can start up my practice as slowly as I want, without feel pressure to make it grow faster than I feel comfortable.
• I also went to the store and bought a bunch of office supplies

Okay, on to what I haven't done. Looking over my to-do list and action-step list, I see a few things that I am clearly resisting... 

Procrastinations:

• Everything to do with writing content for my website and 'listing blurb' (is that what you call it?)
• Why do I resist this? Despite being a therapist, I have a deep aversion to therapist language on websites - it just sounds fluffy, self-promotiony, and so on. How do I write something that is 'me' but also will attract strangers - basically, customers? It's much easier to do other things.
• Also, I'm not quite out of the closet about my 'theripality' as it were. I have relatives who look down on therapy, or think it's crap; others maybe think, "What, Justin's a therapist?" This boils down to self-confidence, of course, but it's projected on others. How will I feel when my uncle or father-in-law or high school friends read my website? Can I take myself seriously and ignore what others think? Does part of me secretly think therapy is a load of crap?
  Here's a question for readers: What are the best private practice therapist sites you have seen?
• Fill out LICSW Associate application form
• There is a simple reason for this: I didn't have any printer paper; now I do, so I might as well get it filled out - especially the form I need my new supervisor to complete.
• Come to think of it, maybe now's the time to have my OLD supervisor fill out my hours - that way I won't have to worry about him dropping off the face of the earth.

Next priorities on my agenda are:

• Finish opening business account
• Start writing content for my website and blurb
• Make sure I have a supervisor and meet with her
• Check out offices

Where I am starting from, more or less

Hello!

Everybody is in different circumstances when they decide to take on a big project. I figure it my be helpful, as I start out, to lay out my own particular situation, and how it has let met to start a private practice. There are a few big reasons I came to this decision at this point in my life:

1. I recently moved to a new state, leaving a stable clinical social work job, after two years, to find that I can't find a job at an agency in my new town (trust me, I have tried for the last four months). But I still need to accumulate hours to get my clinical license here! 
2. Even if I were to find a job, I don't really want one! The idea of working at an agency again (except maybe an imaginary perfect agency) - working for a boss; going to staff meetings; huge caseload; low pay - does not sound very appealing (this is, of course, why so many social workers, and psychologists go into private practice)
3. Meanwhile, I need money!

One event finally pushed me over the brink and led me to decide that 2012 would be my first year of practicing privately. Having spend a few months applying to many jobs and interviewing at fewer, in November, I applied for a position that I really wanted; I interviewed for it twice, it seemed hopeful, and I waited patiently through the Thanksgiving lull to get news. Weeks passed. I remained optimistic. Then, after a month of hoping, the job fell through: They cancelled the whole damn position due to funding (which was, somehow, more frustrating than outright rejection).

It was at that point that I decided to take matters into my own hands.

It is true that pride is involved. I didn't go into social work to get rich, or even to start a private practice. I just wanted to work for an agency that I like, doing work that I felt was valuable to others and earning a decent living. Being rejected for positions that I feel I am qualified for is disheartening. Worse is when you don't get a job for a position you don't really even want: that's just demoralizing - no, I'm just going to call it soul-killing.

I feel some guilt for what feels like cashing in and abandoning the essence of social work by starting a private practice (throughout the field of social work, in school and beyond, there is a very weird attitude towards private practice and money in general. Social work has a foundation in social justice and service, and, if we are being honest, private practice is to a large extent about money and comfort of the therapist; yet tons of social worker go into the field with private practice as their goal - even if they don't admit it).

Despite the pride, after a while I just felt like saying to the whole world of mental health agencies, the following:

"Well, if you don't want me, then fuck off!"

It felt like the whole job hunt was demeaning, like I was begging agencies to give me a job I didn't really want, and I was being rejected (I think a lot of people feel this way about "going into the office" - it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do, it's not natural, but we are conditioned from early on that that's what we do when we grow up).

So (setting the guilt and the pride aside for another day), I am also kind of glad to be pushed to this next step, because, in a lot of ways, agencies are not nice places to work in. More generally, work is not a nice place to work in. I want a life I feel good about - where I can have a flexible schedule, take my own initiative, make my own decisions about my life. I want to be free, but also to survive. That's not too much to ask, is it?